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HK Football Fans Facing ‘Extreme Jet Lag’
Football fever has hit the territory like a lob of pepper spray in a protestor’s face. The World Cup – or FIFA Football World Cup, or Global Soccer Playoffs, depending on how good your country is at using correct nomenclature – kicked off to the beat of the samba drum this week (this is another way of saying it is being held in Brazil).
But for Hong Kong football fans, the tournament has a dangerous, little-discussed dark side. Doctors are predicting a four-fold increase in the incidence of ‘sedentary jet lag’.
Dr. Ngo Hai Kwak explains: “Sedentary jet lag is a condition that occurs when your internal body clock has no clue what is going on. It has all the same symptoms of normal jet lag, but without the patient having travelled anywhere.”
“We’d usually expect to see several cases a year in most people, like after stag nights or a trip to Macau, or even a late one in Wanchai, but our research suggests that the early morning scheduling of the World Cup games is making every football fan in the SAR exhibit symptoms, for as long as one month (or much shorter for supporters of North American teams).”
Prevention is better than cure, according to doctor Kwak. “Get a good night’s sleep, then avoid all social media, news outlets and office conversation until the 8pm highlights, where you can really let go for thirty minutes of high-intensity action. If you must watch the games, though, remember to drink plenty of water, stock up on carbs and for god’s sake don’t tell me the score! Look around the office: you can work out who knows it already!”
The doctor also predicted a two-fold rise in cases of the 24-hour flu during this four-week period. Illness veteran NewChinaHand was adamant he would self-medicate. “Not to worry: I’ve had it before,” he rasped before returning to his Panini sticker album.
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