The Guest Room

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Lion Rock News: Cockroaches Complain About HK Apartment Sizes

LRN

The Union of Cockroaches has today launched a formal complaint to the government about ‘the cramped conditions we are forced to live and work in’. The complaint, the first of its kind, is a reminder of the suffering of non-human species in the far-from-natural living environment of the territory.

“Don’t get us wrong: we appreciate the proximity of food crumbs in the kitchen to a moist nesting area in the wet room,” said Union leader Ken Roach, speaking through an interpreter, “but some of us plan to have families. There’s only a certain amount of roaches you can fit in a 20 metre square apartment, and it’s hell if you don’t get on with any of your extended family members. It just seems that no-one is thinking of the little guy anymore.”

Roaches from across Hong Kong have been converging on restaurant hotspots in Central to try and raise awareness, but complained further that diners either tended to ignore them or treat them with outright hostility. One protestor claims a shoe was used by diners; another says his friend was seriously injured right before his eyes. “Splat!” was his reflection.

Roach continued, “If you look globally, the New York roach has a much better deal. All those wood-panelled rooms to explore, central heating in the winter and a much wider variety of neighbourhoods to choose from. Even Singapore apartments seem vast compared to what we need to endure here. And don’t get me started on the pollution.”

Roach was also keen to point out that should Hong Kong ever be involved in a nuclear conflict, the roaches would become the new custodians of the city. “For me it’s a case of a small investment now to safeguard Hong Kong’s future. For that reason, we must insist on a blanket ban on bug spray. We’re Hong Kongers too and deserve to be treated with respect.”

Roach refused to be drawn into speculation on a rumoured influx of locusts into the territory, claiming ‘we are all bugs alike. For now, basic housing needs should be our priority, not mindless xenophobia.”

The protests are set to continue. Quietly.

More coverage to follow on LionRockNews. Peerless.

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This entry was posted on May 21, 2014 by in LionRockNews and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

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